YOUR LOOKING IN THE WORNG PLACE!!!

...NOTHING NEW ABOUT THAT!

well i am starting a new xanga and i am commenting everyone that i want to have it...if u dont get a comment in about an hour then i DONT WANT YOU to have it...this one has alot of memories on it but i just have to let go and start new memories...im goin to miss everything that this site stood for...but its all new things now...

bye

i messed up...i cant believe this...i actually lied to her after i put her through so much grief about that sort of thing...this is the worst i could possibly feel...it hurts soo bad i cant do anything except sit and cry by myself...the one person that i really care about and i go and lie to her...i am the reason for all of  my pain...all i want is to be with her again so bad and now i ruin her life and everything she wants...i cant believe this it hurts so bad i cant even explain it...i wasted a whole day just being alone and trying to figure out a way to fix things...i havent talked to anyone or done anything since it happened...i cant go on like this...what have i done...she is never goin to forgive me...

i just want to open my eyes and wake up from this nightmare...and go back to my "fairytale world" when we were so in love again and everything was perfect! why is my life this way...i just want her in it...she tells me im on my own now, when it feels like i have been on my own the whole time...i just want her to see wats in my heart and why i do the things i do! its because i love her so much...sometimes i just feel like i shouldnt have even put myself out there like i have done...maybe if i would have acted like i dont care then she would have wanted me...is that love...is it love when u act differently just to make someone hurt and want u even more...

!i just want to be in a better place!

tash i hope u have ur speakers on when u read this because this song explains exactly how i feel...

They Didn't Agree On Much. In Fact They Rarely Agreed On Anything. They Fought All The Time And They Challenged Each Other Everyday. But In Spite Of Their Differences, They Had One Important Thing In Common,They Were Crazy About Each Other.

"...Your actions reflect your heart..." (anonymous)

"...dont forget about me, i will always be here WAITING for you..." (anonymous)

well i really dont know wat o say these days...nothing really significant has happened lately...i mean i have fun on the weekends but i am trying really hard to keep my grades up so i stay home alot during the week...i mean i know i have priorities and they are finally starting to fall in line where they are supposed to be...(well sort of) i just dont know wat to make of my life right now i have all these things going on at once and it sux!! man its gonna be upseting at the baseball game saturday man...gah i love that game...i drove down to Powder Springs park today and just watched some kids practice...i mean my friends brother plays there so i mean i had a reason to be there...but i went a just started thinkn for a while about how good things used to be when we are young and dont have this crap in our lives...i grew up down there man...i was there every freakin day of the summer untill i was like 12 man...i sat and looked at our banner for like 20 minuets and i just started remembering things that i had forgotten all about...i mean i guess it was good for me to get my mind off of other things but its just crazy how u can do something all of your life and then its just gone for no reason...that is how life has been for a while now...u get used to something and then all of a sudden its gone...i just really wish i could have stayed that age forever....no school to really worry about, family life is good, nobody to get heartbroken by, no having to work for things, and NOT having to grow up...

all i wamt is for someone to care for and care for me again...play putt-putt or something i dont know....i just really hope all this heartache will pay off for something...ANYTHING!

is our life one big game...and if so is it fun to play?

watever...

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so i hear the people i half way trusted are as two-faced as they come...well i got some calm but honest words for those people..."watch your ass.. becasue what u do to others will come right back around and bite u in it...i will not be here for u then!!! that is the last thing i will do is be friends with a liar...there is no excuse for lies!  YOU KNOW WHAT...maybe u should feel crappy every once in a while, hopefully it will help you to realize that your life will never be perfect! you try to put on a big front so we can see it but that is not really the truth that u feel...how about try to feel like that for 4 months now! its not easy ill tell ya and especially when u ruin everything with someone u love and now she wont even talk to you...wat the hell ever...i am glad to see u like this...thats right it makes me smile to see u feeling crappy! sux dont it

here are soem good words i heard today and they are so true if u are the type of person that understands...

"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down"

i had a good nice conversation last night with tasha...we finally got some things cleared up which makes me feel alot better...nothing really important was said just some questions got answered...and that is pretty good...this is the hardest thing for me to do ..this whole giveing time thing...but i fight it all i can and i have been fdoing alot better...yea it hurts but maybe over a periode of time it will get better...well this weekend is pretty busy for me...saturday i am goin to watch the baseball game(i got a feeling i am going to get pissed while im there) then hopefully MAYBE do something with tasha...just hang out or something u know...sunday i am going to help my mom with some stuff...then after that no idea? well guys i am goin to get out of here b4 im late to school ...

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i hate it when i think about things that REALLY upset me when i am trying to be happy...and i hate it when people think they are soo much better than everyone else...that really just pisses me off so bad...i am just glad they are not around me running their mouth because i might upset some people and make them "not want to talk to me"(like thats anything new?) watever man i just still cant believe what has been goin on these past couple of months! like i told someone last night..."t is hard because we only had good things to think about we never fought or argued...everything seemed to be perfect"...that is why it is hard because all i have to think about are the times we spent together having such a good time and being in love ya know? i just really get down when i think about it and yea i am trying to do my part to make it better but still..i mean i havent really talked to her (besides online) in like a week which doesnt seem long to u but for me its forever! i just cant believe i am in love with someone this much and i cant do anything about it....i really just want her to be happy and i really think she is right now...i know i can trust her no matter what and i hope she knows i am always here for her...i will always love her and keep her first! guys i have to go find something to do...all i do is think and i gotta stop!!!

BYE